Wayfaring Stranger

Wayfaring stranger
I know my way is hard and steep..I'm Just a Wayfaring stranger

Its Monday. The beginning of the week. Today, I had a lot of stuff to do. Very important things. Things that I've had to do but haven't thought about. The reason is, I didn't want to face reality.
Without getting into to much detail. I have to buy a car. Its not a Want it's a MUST. My truck was owned by my Godmother who died in January and It wasn't paid for. I've got to get a car or wake up one day and my truck will be gone.

I've prayed about it. Given it to God. Taken it back. Given it to God, Taken it back (repeat several times). And now the time has come that I must do something. I also need to move. When My godmother was alive, I had a cushion. I knew that I could count on her to help me. She Co-signed on my Apartment and helped me get to where I am today. She was always there for me no matter. Gay or not. Chasing a dream or sitting at home.
Today, When I tried to get a car, I got some bad news. I tried to get my car from the place where people who can't get a car from anywhere else go. They help everyone. There help for me was $2300 down payment and $320 a month. Not including Insurance.( I have a driving record that is not good at all!)
My Friend Kathy use to tell me that one day God would humble me. I was never a Snob but some things I just said I would never do. I didn't think that I would have to do things like this. I never thought I would live from Paycheck to Paycheck or Think that Coupons were like Gold. But I do. And I love the Dollar store.
God started Humbling me when I was 17 when Mother died and I had to make a DRAMATIC cut back. And now here at 21 with no family or cushion, I have some hard decisions and cut backs to make.
But when reality hits, we must remember: God has brought us or allowed us to come to this point of our lives for a reason. I do believe...Not believe....I KNOW a God who has done so much for me and laid down His own Son for me, Did not bring me this far to leave me now. He's going to pick up this Wayfaring Stranger and give him a ride to where he needs to be.
Just A wayfaring Stranger,

Antony

Call the man

I was looking over my past phone records and her number is the most called number that Ive dialed. Sometimes I pick up my phone to call people who are no longer there. People that I know will always listen, no matter what. There is such pain and anger after I realize that I can't talk to them for some reason or another. The most recent being my Godmother. . And when I received my most recent phone bill, there wasn't a single call to her. That hurt.

Growing up, I loved Celine Dion. She was my idol I had every record, poster, etc. My Godmother took me from Jacksonville, fl to Tampa fl to see her in concert when I was 7. That's love! I can still remember Celine singing the song " Called the man". That song came to mind today when I was looking at those old phone bills. I remember being taught as a child that I could always talk to God. He was always there. Even when no one else was. So tonight, When I needed someone to talk to, I did what I do several times throughout the day :

Call the man
Who deals in love beyond repair
He can heal the world
Of hearts in need of care
Shine a light ahead
When the next step is unclear
Call the man
He's needed here

I needed him. And He listened. Whenever we need God, He is there for us. However, I truly think that we should call Him all the time. Not just when we are desperate, but when we just want to say "Thanks" or " Hey".

Something that I've always heard from the people I was raised by is " Thank Him for what it is".
And I'm gonna admit that there are sometimes when I don't want to praise Him. Times when I am so mad that he allowed these things to happen to me. But I Keep hearing " Call the Man" and that's what I do. I call Him and say " Thanks"

Needed in the chaos and confusion
From the plains to city hall
Needed where the proud who walk the wire are set to fall

But even if you haven't talk to "The Man" in a long time or Forever, Call Him. No matter what it is, I promise, He will be happy to hear from you.


Antony

antonylarry.blogspot.com

Imagine me

Imagine me loving what I see when the mirror looks at me cause I, I imagine me.In a place, of no insecurities and I’m finally happy cause I imagine me.Letting go of all of the ones who hurt me cause they never did deserve me, can you imagine me.Saying no to thoughts that try to control me, remembering all you told me, Lord can you imagine me?Over what my momma said, and healed from what my daddy did and I wanna live and not read that page again.

Last night at Church, The praise band sang a song by Kirk Franklin called " Imagine Me". The song Speaks to my soul! The song talks about imaging yourself without all the pains that you have in your life like insecurities, acceptance and even self esteem.
Kirk Franklin had an upbringing a lot like mine. His Mom and Dad weren’t in his life and he was raised by his Grandmother and Aunt.

The Guy does my photos, Dana Morgan, found an extra head shot that he had of me. Its my absolute favorite. He took it when I didn’t know he was shooting. I was talking to him about the struggles and hard times of my life and how I feel under my " Smile".



The picture shows hurt and sadness. But you can see that there is strength also.
When they were singing that song, "Imagine Me", I looked at the photo with reflection, grief, wonder, and hope. I thought about what the picture would look like if all the pain, hurt, and all those things that are wearing on my soul were " Gone"?

Towards the end of the song, it says
This song is dedicated to people like me, those that struggle with insecurities, acceptance and even self esteem, you never felt good enough, you never felt pretty enough but imagine God whispering in your ear letting you know that everything that has happened is now GONE!
It’s All Gone. Every Sin, Every Mistake, Every Failure Its’ All Gone!Depression Gone By Faith It’s Gone Low Self Esteem, Hallelujah Its Gone, All Gone,It’s Gone All My Scars All My Pain It’s In The Past , Its’ Yesterday Its’ All Gone( Can’t Believe Its’ Gone) What Your Mother Did, What Our Father Did, Hallelujah Its’ Gone All Gone!

I know that the day will come when its all GONE! When the pictures shows genuine happiness. God has given me and all of us that promise.

"But those who wait on the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

Imagine me,

Antony

http://antonylarry.blogspot.com/