I am realizing that people are getting to know me through this blog. And that's a good thing. This past week, I've had some friends in town. A dear friend, Leslie, and her family. We really haven't spent a lot of time together because I've been working and they've been the park thing and I'm not really into park hopping!
Tonight, we wrapped up their visit. We had dinner at one of my favorite, the Celebration Town Tavern.(For those of you who don't live in central Florida, Celebration is a beautiful small community that reminds me of Pleasantville.) At the end of dinner, it was time for business.
Leslie is a very high profile realtor in Florida and knows her stuff. The time has come for me to sell mother's house. The house where I was raised. The house where I skinned me and knees and peed the bed.(Some time's, all in the same day!) A beautiful brick home with a big yard that holds so many memories. A place that was my home.
Last week, when I went back to Jacksonville for my a distant Aunt's funeral, was the first time I had been back since my Godmother died. I didn't want to be there. The town no longer feels like home. At ALL! I went to that house. Once, that house was the biggest, most well-maintained house in the neighborhood. When I looked at it on my last visit, It took all within me from screaming at the horror of how it looked.
When mother died, she left the house to me. It was a true hassle trying to keep it updated but When I moved to Orlando, I didn't have to worry about it. My Godmother took care of it and since she's been gone. the whole has been gone down.
I never thought that I would ever have to sell this house. This home. This place that mother put so much love into building but Its time. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Tonight, Leslie had me filling out the paperwork and told me how much she thought the house would sell for. When she did, I began to cry. This house that was once appraised at $200,000 may sell for $35,000 if we're lucky.
It was the price that made me cry. It was the way things change so quickly. How people come and go from our lives so fast. How we have a home one day and the next are going from pillar to post trying to find that home.
I know that God is real and I trust Him. Normally at this part of my blog, I put something inspirational in to make everything better but I can't. I am hurt. There is so much weighing on me down that I just want to crawl up in a ball die.
Dammit! It hurts. I just want things to get better. These wounds just wont seem to heal. Shit! I wouldn't give anything to just have a scar but I don't have that. The wounds are wide open and wont shut. And I don't want to bleed to death.
When I think of home
I think of a place where there's love overflowing
I wish I was home
I wish I was back there with the things I been knowing
Wind that makes the tall trees bend into leaning
Suddenly the snowflakes that fall have a meaning
Sprinklin' the scene, makes it all clean
Maybe there's a chance for me to go back there
Now that I have some direction
It would sure be nice to be back home
Where there's love and affection
And just maybe I can convince time to slow up
Giving me enough time in my life to grow up
Time be my friend, let me start again
Suddenly my world has changed it's face
But I still know where I'm going
I have had my mind spun around in space
And yet I've watched it growing
If you're list'ning God
Please don't make it hard to know
If we should believe in the things that we see
Tell us, should we run away
Should we try and stay
Or would it be better just to let things be?
Living here, in this brand new world
Might be a fantasy
But it taught me to love
So it's real, real to me
And I've learned
That we must look inside our hearts
To find a world full of love
Like yours
Like me
Like home...
Tonight, we wrapped up their visit. We had dinner at one of my favorite, the Celebration Town Tavern.(For those of you who don't live in central Florida, Celebration is a beautiful small community that reminds me of Pleasantville.) At the end of dinner, it was time for business.
Leslie is a very high profile realtor in Florida and knows her stuff. The time has come for me to sell mother's house. The house where I was raised. The house where I skinned me and knees and peed the bed.(Some time's, all in the same day!) A beautiful brick home with a big yard that holds so many memories. A place that was my home.
Last week, when I went back to Jacksonville for my a distant Aunt's funeral, was the first time I had been back since my Godmother died. I didn't want to be there. The town no longer feels like home. At ALL! I went to that house. Once, that house was the biggest, most well-maintained house in the neighborhood. When I looked at it on my last visit, It took all within me from screaming at the horror of how it looked.
When mother died, she left the house to me. It was a true hassle trying to keep it updated but When I moved to Orlando, I didn't have to worry about it. My Godmother took care of it and since she's been gone. the whole has been gone down.
I never thought that I would ever have to sell this house. This home. This place that mother put so much love into building but Its time. Desperate times call for desperate measures. Tonight, Leslie had me filling out the paperwork and told me how much she thought the house would sell for. When she did, I began to cry. This house that was once appraised at $200,000 may sell for $35,000 if we're lucky.
It was the price that made me cry. It was the way things change so quickly. How people come and go from our lives so fast. How we have a home one day and the next are going from pillar to post trying to find that home.
I know that God is real and I trust Him. Normally at this part of my blog, I put something inspirational in to make everything better but I can't. I am hurt. There is so much weighing on me down that I just want to crawl up in a ball die.
Dammit! It hurts. I just want things to get better. These wounds just wont seem to heal. Shit! I wouldn't give anything to just have a scar but I don't have that. The wounds are wide open and wont shut. And I don't want to bleed to death.
When I think of home
I think of a place where there's love overflowing
I wish I was home
I wish I was back there with the things I been knowing
Wind that makes the tall trees bend into leaning
Suddenly the snowflakes that fall have a meaning
Sprinklin' the scene, makes it all clean
Maybe there's a chance for me to go back there
Now that I have some direction
It would sure be nice to be back home
Where there's love and affection
And just maybe I can convince time to slow up
Giving me enough time in my life to grow up
Time be my friend, let me start again
Suddenly my world has changed it's face
But I still know where I'm going
I have had my mind spun around in space
And yet I've watched it growing
If you're list'ning God
Please don't make it hard to know
If we should believe in the things that we see
Tell us, should we run away
Should we try and stay
Or would it be better just to let things be?
Living here, in this brand new world
Might be a fantasy
But it taught me to love
So it's real, real to me
And I've learned
That we must look inside our hearts
To find a world full of love
Like yours
Like me
Like home...
Antony
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