Change of season?

It's that time of year when the dog days of summer turn into fall. Here in Florida, we very rarely see fall! If we do, it's happens in Winter and that confuses everyone until Spring!

The change of seasons has never really affected me. I have a vague memory as a child seeing our beautiful Dogwood tree change colors and wondering why. I love the fact that there’s a certainty, a progress to the year that you can count on almost like nothing else in this world whether you notice it or not. For the first time in my life, I am seeing that Fall doesn't care if you’re sad or depressed, it’s coming nonetheless. And winter won’t hold off until you’re feeling less anxious or manic. The seasons will change no matter what happens in our lives .

This year, I seem to lose track of days and weeks that melt into months and before I know it, another season has come and gone. I look back on it and say, “What do I have to show for the past 3 months?” Sometimes, not a lot. Sometimes I will think only in terms of my work. Another day working for the Big Cheese!

I'm sad that I am recognizing the change of Seasons this year. With the crisp night air(Tonight is in the low 70s! Gotta love Florida!), I can't help but think of where my life was last time Fall. I can't help but think of how much my life has change and the pain that has come with change.

The sad reality is that Life goes on. Seasons change. People enter and leave our lives. Shit happens!

I guess we just have to deal with the changes and move on( With the help of God). Reality sucks sometimes!

See, I am making all things new!

Last week, I had to somethings that I really wasn't looking forward to. I had to go back to my "Hometown" of Green Cove Springs, Florida and get things in order. I had to tie up loose ends that came as a result of my Godmothers' death.

Going back to this place bring up old memories, good and bad. From the time I left Orlando till the time I got there, my heart was racing! My mind was in a million different places. I was going back to a place I haven't been to in almost a year. A place where I had seen the people I love die. The place where I saw anguish of people who couldn't get ahead. High school friends who now sell drug or are addicted to them. But most of all, my very own birth-mother.

I hadn't seen her in a very long time. It's hard for me because of how bad drugs has messed her up. We embraced and spoke for all of 5 minutes because their was just nothing to talk about that she could understand. What she did say was " Don't cry, Ant. Be Strong. Don't cry". If you know me, that just made the water works fly.

I will talk about the trip more later.

Something that has been running through my mind over and over again is a verse from Revelation(The book of The Bible I can't make it through). It seems every time I am so depressed, when I just want to give up, I hear

"See, I am making all things new"

This verse, on the surface, speaks of what will supposedly happen in the end days and is also used a lot at funeral to talk about life after death.

"He will wipe every tear from their eyes," John writes. Not simply each and every one of our tears, but each and every kind of tear that streaks our cheeks and wets our pillows. Tears of sorrow will be wiped away as will tears of shame. Tears of anger, bitter tears will be wiped away. Tears pleading for justice ignored and tears anguishing over disappointment and regret. They will all be wiped away.

The thing that keeps me sane is believing that God is allowing all these things to happen because is making me new. Without going through all the crap that we have gone through, we could feel new. We couldn't feel that we have learned anything.

Can you see the new things just over the horizon? I can. They may be blurred or just a shadow but they are there.

Hold on to the belief that things that happen in life are making you new. Restoring you. Honestly, that is the ONLY reason I am holding on. If it weren't for that, life would be just a joke.

"See, I am making all things new!"

Antony