I feel like I need to re post this from my Blogspot (www.antonylarry.blogspot.com) website. When I wrote this, My Godmother was still alive; however, I have tried to modify some things.I cant help that Im thinking about things of the past. Im trying to overcome the heartache. Its hard on the new project: Current life: 2008
Looking back on my life, I have had a lot of ups and downs. Many of you probably don't know, but I was born addicted to cocaine. My birth mother and father are both drug addicts.When I was born, I was in the hospital until I was well enough to go home. But I didn't go home to "Mom and Dad", I went home to my great-grandmother(Mother). She is who I consider "Mother". You will often hear me refer to her or tell stories about her.
She was a very wise woman. She always had just the right thing to say. I never had to wonder where I stood. I never had to feel unloved. She always told me that she would be there for me.
For most of my life, it was just My Godmother, Her and me . Really, those were the only real family I had. The rest of my family has died or is distant and really doesn't want to be bothered.
But the one thing that was constant was Mother and her love and discipline( My Godmother is always reminding me of that! Especially the discipline part!). Mother was always strong.
Then the first Sunday in 2005, I came home from church. My Godmother told me that mother had fell and was in a little pain. Like every Sunday, Dinner was ready as soon as I got home and we sat down to dinner. Mother was in pain. She was in her wheelchair and she was trying to stay strong. But I could see it.I took her to the hospital.
For the first time in my life, I saw her cry. She had broken her hip. There she was. The rock of my life. The leader of the band, so very frail and weak.After that, we found out her heart was to weak for a hip replacement.One thing I will always remember about mother is that she was stubborn(Now you see where I get it!) and when she made up her mind to do something, she did it.
While I was in Los Angeles at a convention, I got a call to come home. My Godmother put the phone up to mother and I told her I would be there soon. She said " I love you". I said " Alright sista. I love you too. See you soon."
I flew back and saw mother. She said in a weak voice
"I love you a bushel and a peck" and I said "
and A hug around the neck"( This was an old song that she taught me.We use to sing it whenever I had to leave her)
The next morning, In Chorus class, the phone rang. My Chorus teacher and friend, Kathy answered it. She gently said " Nana(mother) has gone to Heaven."
At that moment, I didnt know what to do.I screamed and cried not knowing what else to do. I went to the rehab facility where Mother was to wait for the Funeral director to come pick her up but when they did, I wouldnt let go.
She always held me. Even at the the age of 17, she would just wrap her arms around me when I cried or needed her. For the first time in my life, she wasnt holding me. I wanted to feel her arms around me. All I could do was hold on to her with everything that was in me. After the funeral director took her, I drove for hours with no destination. The first song I heard was called "
Fire and Rain"
I've seen fire and I've seen rain I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend But I always thought that I'd see you again Won't you look down upon me, Jesus You've got to help me make a stand You've just got to see me through another day My body's aching and my time is at hand And I won't make it any other way Oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend But I always thought that I'd see you again Been walking my mind to an easy time my back turned towards the sun Lord knows when the cold wind blows it'll turn your head around Well, there's hours of time on the telephone line to talk about things to comeWon't you look down upon me, Jesus You've got to help me make a stand You've just got to see me through another day My body's aching and my time is at hand And I won't make it any other way Antony http://antonylarry.blogspot.com/oh, I've seen fire and I've seen rain I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end I've seen lonely times when I could not find a friend But I always thought that I'd see you again.....
