Sun through the Thin Places

So there we were: First night the choir is singing with the Orchestra. We all gather together. All from different professions, of all colors, orientations, etc. The Choir and Orchestra had been practicing separately but finally were joined as one.

Something that I have become aware of is the The Irish term "Thin Places". This definition explains it all:
Thin Places - those places or events in life where the dividing line between the holy and the ordinary is very thin... to the point that the ordinary becomes holy and the holy becomes ordinary

Thin places, if we let them, will guide us. Our thin places can grace us with a
new awareness that our lives are not meant just to be struggled through and survived - they
are meant to be celebrated and savored.

That night, I was in a " Thin Place". The ensemble was on stage. 200 hundred voice, 80 instruments all joined in as one voice, singing a song of demanding desperation in perfect harmony "Let the sun shine, let the sunshine in!" With each passing Chorus, My body felt a new sensation of weightlessness. At that moment there was no one person. There was no "I". All together separated by nothing. As I looked around at the special light in each eye, tears began rolling down my cheek. Here we were. Together. All working toward a common goal. All with the same plea.



There is an old Celtic saying that heaven and earth are only three feet apart, but in the
thin places that distance is even smaller!
You have thin places everywhere in your life. Even in the "Encore".


Antony

Special Seasonin'

Hi gentle reader!( Ive always wanted to say that like Miss. Manners does)

There is so much on my heart and mind. It's really funny how life has a subtle way of reminding you of things.

Tonight, a group of people from work met for dinner. It was because today was our last day together as a group. In the entertainment business, people come and go.. A LOT! This is especially true at Disney. Every 6 months or so, a big group of entertainment folks get the chance to move to some other location(Not true of my job :-( ). Most do because it's hard to stay in one location for a longtime or some need more hours or different hours etc.

Being with the Company a couple of years, I've seen this happen a lot. Its part of the job. However, this one was different. I found myself tearing up during my last show with all of them. I tried to hold it in because I didn't want to end up looking like Tammy Faye Bakker! ( It didn't work!)

Pause... We'll come back to that in a minute. But first...

As I drove home from dinner tonight, I rolled down all the windows in my car, turned off the air, and turned Chuck Mangione's "Feels so good" on full blast over the sound system. I felt the air surround me. A mix of warm with a hint of cool. In my rear-view mirror, I saw the beautiful sun slowing descending. In front of me, I saw the Moon. Full. Just there in front of me. Saying goodnight to its brother, the sun.
I thought about Mother's day and how difficult it has been in past years. I also realized that this time last year, I wrote about the change in Seasons. Season of the earth, our hearts, our lives. I found it ironic that I was wanting to write about the same thing this evening. Without reading what I wrote last year, I just looked and this was portion of what I wrote:

This new season was showed today when I got into my car at 6:50 pm and I felt the breeze against my skin. This wind was The Holy Spirit, Mother, and my Godmother telling me to Celebrate that I have made it through all these seasons
It’s time now to sing out, tho the story never ends let's celebrate remember a year in the life of friends. Remember the love! Remember the love! Remember the love! Measure in love. Seasons of love! Seasons of love.

Wow! I feel like this is so what I needed to hear the night before Mother's day; on a day that people are moving on to a new adventure, moving on to a new Season in their life.

Tonight, the beauty of the new Season surrounded me. I'm beginning to feel a rush of emotions coming over me. I feel it all around me saying " Remember the Love! Seasons of Love!"

God loves You and me. As Godmother would say " He season-ed it just right!"

Happy Mother's day. I love you and miss you both. I'm everything I am because you loved me.

Antony

Party Time!!!!!!

Where has the time gone? Is it really that time of year when women can wear white shoes and it not be a " No-no"?( Ok.. That's a really old fashion statement, but still very relevant!)

"I'm sorry I'm late. I don't know where time went but I'm ready to PARTY!!)

It seems as if time is passing by so quickly, at least for me. I remember as a child, time seemed to go by so slowly. I would hate having to wait( I.E. " She's as slow as Christmas!). Things seemed to take a lifetime! That has all changed now. Do you ever look up and its days, weeks, months or ::Gasp:: years later?



In March, I turned another year older. Was it my birthday already? Had another year passed by that quickly? Birthdays, Anniversaries, etc. are a big reminder of time. Sometimes you just don't want to think about time and where it has gone. It would be much easier if you didn't have to follow a calendar or clock. It would be so much easier if you could just go through a daily routine and not think about being late for something(If you know me, I am late for most things-CPT!!).

Sometimes, I feel as if I was born to late or I got to the party after most of the guest have left and the festivities have ended. Most people are gone. You walk in thinking that you're gonna make an entrance but really you're just looking like the desperate one still at the party.

Doesn't that hurt? You want people to know you just got here late and am not so needy for companionship that you would stay until the "Fat lady sings". (I am one of those people who hates staying until the end of a party or anything for that matter). I think that staying until you're kicked out is not a good thing.

Here's something that is very true: "Time and Tide wait for no man". Mother use to utter these words over and over again. I use to think she was just talking and trying to make me get things done faster but then I realized time wasn't waiting on me and didn't really care when I arrived because, no matter what, it was not going to stop.

I guess everyday I'm learning the real secret: The Time-keeper really doesn't care about when we arrive to the party. He only cares that we get to the right party. He only cares that we get where we're suppose to be.

(So, Antony, you need to realize that you aren't in control of time. Worry is a human instinct but doesn't help us or the situation at all. When we get to where we're suppose to be, we will get there. The time in between is just preparing you for when you do arrive at the party.)

Enjoy this party. We may think that we've gotten to the party late but really we are just in time!

Better Late than never( or Pregnant! he he),

Antony

What I did for love??????

The phone rings. I looked down at the phone. The Name and number immediately sent my mind reminiscing. It took me back to the fall of 2002.

I was young and just started the 10th grade. I was newly out of the closet( The summer before, my Godmother found out I was having an affair with my piano player a few years my senior!). I was free! LOL But I digress. Being involved in a local youth organization ( I wont say what), gave me the privilege to work with a lot of people my age. This was normally in a courtroom. I was normally the person who wanted to make these youth look bad for what they have done. I walk up to the podium, notes in hand, ready to expose everything bad about the person sitting before. When I stepped up to the podium and looked into his eyes, I froze. I, Antony Larry, the "Steel Magnolia", " Iron Man", the one without any stage fright, froze. My eyes met his eyes. I began to fix the invisible bang on my head( its something I do when I'm nervous, Thanks Kathy).

Finally, I began to question him. I didn't need my notes. I just listened to him and asked silly, standard questions. Once he smiled, I only had one question that I obviously kept to myself: Your place or mine?

That night, I got to know him. It was my first relationship and his. It was so cute! He came to my house and asked my Godmother if he could take me out on a date. (She pretended to be tough but really thought he was a cutie!) We dated for several months before exchanging a "Special" gift that we could only give one time in our lives.

I loved him with all my heart. He loved me with everything that was in him. I cant put down in words how I have hurt over the years because of this " Young love". My first love.

If I'm honest with myself, I broke up with him because I knew he would one day leave me( Or so I thought).

That's regret. Whats funny is I don't regret anything else that happen but for some reason, leaving him is what I do regret. ( Karma is a bitch: He rejected me several times after that and till this day we have a love hate relationship)

Should I regret that? No. I'm reminded of that song in " A Chorus Line" What I did for Love
Kiss today goodbye
And point me toward tomorrow
We did what we had to do
Won't forget, can't regret
What I did for love

In love, we cant regret anything.

Love is never gone. As we travel on, loves what we'll remember.

I know that's what I remember.

When I looked back down at the phone, It said "Missed call". The moment was over. The call was done. A message was left on my answering machine. Plain and Simple: I love you, baby.

I said "I love you too" into the mirror. That's what I did for love

Antony

A January Moon

This evening, I decided to go for a walk. Today was one of those days when it seemed everyone was on the attack. Since January 1, so many things in my life have changed. Not because I did it, but because life just happened. Even though things have changed so much, I made the decision that I was going to be positive. And Dammit, I have been! It seems that since that time, things have been working against me. I think that I am being tested and I have been passing them. I could tell you stories that would make you want to have stiff drink, but that's not the point of this Story.

On Friday, January 9, a year had passed since my Godmother Collapsed and was put on a ventilator. We talked everyday since I was 6 until that day. However, I tried not to think about it and stay positive.

As I was walking, I looked to the sky and saw a beautiful moon that looked like a penny. It was huge! Its was goldish in tent.
Looking at the moon took me back to this time last year, January 12 2008 to be exact. I remember the Funeral Director coming to my house in Jacksonville and meeting with all of us. I hadn't slept in several days. I made a lot of decisions that night about Godma's funeral but the funny thing is, all I remember is walking outside to think and looking to the sky. I saw the exact same thing I saw tonight.

I began asking things like " is this real?" "Why?" " What Did I do to deserve this?"

I thought about all the things that have happened in my life. I thought of how my Godma was my best friend. The only one I had left who truly understood me.

I remember screaming to God " you already took everyone who was blood but why did you take the one who chose me! Why?"

I sat and cried on the wet grass. I looked up at the moon. It held no answers. It only reminded me that rain or shine, it would still be there at night whether I could see it or not.

It's still not real. As much I try and try to not think about it, I cant. Almost a year has passed. The moon still hangs in the sky. I try to put my best foot forward. But their is still one thing missing from my life.

Antony