It's Saturday evening. Im sitting at home reply to emails and such after a not so good day. Since Im going to be writing about my struggle with Clinical depression, Here goes:
Thursday, I went to an evaluation in hopes of finding a new Therapist and Psychiatrist. They asked me a lot of questions poking and proding into my personal life and history( Which really put my brain into over drive!!) I got that done and went to church for praise team practice. I am suppose to see a Doctor next week. ("We've got ears ! Say Cheers!"-Mickey Mouse!)
Yesterday was the "Finding Nemo" Auditions. I went and I sang my best, award-winning, signature song " Sara Lee". My friend Colecta, who is always Blunt and honest with me, told me that I did great! I know that I did great. The judge told me that I needed to find a song that I actually sounded good at singing and then maybe he would consider me for other roles. He was really mean. But that's the life of show biz!
I had Candlelight processional rehearsal and it was good. I love choral music. I truly am a nerd about that stuff. Anywho, the director pointed me and made me the example of how we should look when we're singing. He had me stand up and it made me feel really good and ensured me that I was actually good performing.( We've got ears! Say Super Cheers!-Again, Mickey Mouse)
And then night fell. That is always the hardest time. I got depressed. But I took something and went to sleep in sure hopes and prayers that tomorrow would be better
And then Saturday came.... One of the worst thing about Clinical depression has to be this: being sad for no reason. Today, I really had no reason to be sad, but I just couldnt be happy! I did my job and tried to give it my all, but I couldnt. I just kept wanting to lay down inbetween shows. People would ask what was wrong and I honestly couldnt tell them. The default answer is always "I'm just tired". Smiling is normally something that comes naturally. But not today. Colecta had to remind me to not make my smile look so fake.
There have been to many of those days when Colecta has to remind me of that.( I am so thankful for her! She truly keeps me in line. I love you Colecta!) There are to many days where I can't say "Cheers" as Mickey would put it.
Something i sing everyday is the theme to the new Mickey Mouse club house. At the end of every show, Mickey and the gang all do something called the "Mouseka Dance" ( Which I do everyday!!). Its Called the "Hot Dog Song". The words go like this" Hot dog, hot dog, hot digity dog. Now we got ears, its time for cheers. Hot dog hot the PROBLEM'S SOLVED" to watch, click here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=wePMYM4av6Q
Almost every day when I'm singing that song, I want to say to the kids "If only it were that easy". We can't just solve the problem by doing a few things and singing a " Happy Song". People always say " Smile" ( I am very guilty of this) but its not that easy. I really wish that I could do that.
So for tonight, Im just going to pray for a better tomorrow and know that by being proactive in finding a new Doctor and publishing this blog, I may help myself and others.
Hopefully soon I will have my ears. Say Cheers,
Antony
antonylarry.blogspot.com
Thursday, I went to an evaluation in hopes of finding a new Therapist and Psychiatrist. They asked me a lot of questions poking and proding into my personal life and history( Which really put my brain into over drive!!) I got that done and went to church for praise team practice. I am suppose to see a Doctor next week. ("We've got ears ! Say Cheers!"-Mickey Mouse!)
Yesterday was the "Finding Nemo" Auditions. I went and I sang my best, award-winning, signature song " Sara Lee". My friend Colecta, who is always Blunt and honest with me, told me that I did great! I know that I did great. The judge told me that I needed to find a song that I actually sounded good at singing and then maybe he would consider me for other roles. He was really mean. But that's the life of show biz!
I had Candlelight processional rehearsal and it was good. I love choral music. I truly am a nerd about that stuff. Anywho, the director pointed me and made me the example of how we should look when we're singing. He had me stand up and it made me feel really good and ensured me that I was actually good performing.( We've got ears! Say Super Cheers!-Again, Mickey Mouse)
And then night fell. That is always the hardest time. I got depressed. But I took something and went to sleep in sure hopes and prayers that tomorrow would be better
And then Saturday came.... One of the worst thing about Clinical depression has to be this: being sad for no reason. Today, I really had no reason to be sad, but I just couldnt be happy! I did my job and tried to give it my all, but I couldnt. I just kept wanting to lay down inbetween shows. People would ask what was wrong and I honestly couldnt tell them. The default answer is always "I'm just tired". Smiling is normally something that comes naturally. But not today. Colecta had to remind me to not make my smile look so fake.
There have been to many of those days when Colecta has to remind me of that.( I am so thankful for her! She truly keeps me in line. I love you Colecta!) There are to many days where I can't say "Cheers" as Mickey would put it.
Something i sing everyday is the theme to the new Mickey Mouse club house. At the end of every show, Mickey and the gang all do something called the "Mouseka Dance" ( Which I do everyday!!). Its Called the "Hot Dog Song". The words go like this" Hot dog, hot dog, hot digity dog. Now we got ears, its time for cheers. Hot dog hot the PROBLEM'S SOLVED" to watch, click here: www.youtube.com/watch?v=wePMYM4av6Q
Almost every day when I'm singing that song, I want to say to the kids "If only it were that easy". We can't just solve the problem by doing a few things and singing a " Happy Song". People always say " Smile" ( I am very guilty of this) but its not that easy. I really wish that I could do that.
So for tonight, Im just going to pray for a better tomorrow and know that by being proactive in finding a new Doctor and publishing this blog, I may help myself and others.
Hopefully soon I will have my ears. Say Cheers,
Antony
antonylarry.blogspot.com
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